Why the 2021-2022 School Year Has Been the Hardest Ever

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After 17 years of teaching, I can unequivocally say that the 2021-2022 school year has been the most challenging ever.  When I share that sentiment, I am met with surprise because most people assume the 2020 school year would have been harder because of the adjustments teachers had to make during the Covid-19 global pandemic.  However, this past school year was harder than I can begin to explain, and I know my colleagues feel the same. One of my closest teacher friends said to me last week, “If you haven’t thought about quitting the profession this year, you’re weird.”  Those outside of education might assume that the crisis level teacher shortage comes from low salaries or unpopular legislation, and though such issues are frustrating and contribute to low morale, the real issue is the sense of hopelessness and lack of control over what is happening to our students.  

Our nation’s students are in crisis mode, and it’s not for the reasons you might assume.  The student population is polarized, not over politics, gender issues, or social disagreements, but rather they are deeply divided over their involuntary post-pandemic response.  When the world shut down, students were sent home with devices to learn from their bedrooms, and they were changed forever.  

Undermotivated students got used to the leniency that was necessary for deadlines on assignments.  None of us had ever journeyed through a global pandemic before; none of us had done long-term virtual learning before, so due dates had to be flexible.  Teachers had no way of monitoring who had strong internet access, so we had to give grace and assume the best.   

Now that in-person learning has returned, undermotivated students are still struggling to adjust to “normal” school procedures, like hard deadlines, greater rigor, and attendance accountability.  This group of learners got used to the lax approach to education that the pandemic offered, so now they are discontent and frustrated over expectations that were basic prior to 2020.

A second group of learners is struggling with post-pandemic PTSD.  For a large group of children, school is their safe place, so the worst possible circumstance imaginable was to send them home for months with no access to free meals or direct contact with teachers who care about them.  Many students spent the pandemic hungry in homes filled with abuse and violence. Their parents searched for a sedative to the unexpected global crisis through substance abuse. Marriages that were already hanging by a thread disintegrated as families that already didn’t get along were forced to dwell in the same space with no reprieve or opportunity for escape.  

Because of confidentiality, I can’t publicly share the many horror stories I’ve heard from students who suffered greatly at home during the shutdown.  A large group of students this year has not been interested in learning because they are simply trying to recover from what has tragically transpired over the past three years.  Their scars and pain prevent them from caring about solving quadratic equations or writing thesis statements. 

For a third group of students the pandemic lockdown was the solace their souls needed.  We forget that American culture is unique because it’s driven by performance and competition.  In Europe an afternoon siesta is normal, but Americans are driven and programmed by the clock.  As Ricky Bobby says, “You have to win to get love,” and unfortunately, in this country that’s often true.  Our culture tends to look at GPA, athletic stats, test scores, and extra-curricular involvement as the measure of a young person’s worth. 

High performing students loved the rest the pandemic offered. School sports and travel sports ceased; all other extracurriculars halted.  There were no show choir routines to memorize, marching band steps to count, or robots to program.  Students in healthy homes discovered the peace that having a Sabbath brings.  Students who are busier than they should be FINALLY got to experience family dinners at home, instead of in the drive through on the way to practice. They got to make memories with their siblings and play games as a family.  

My younger two kids became best friends during the pandemic lockdown, and they truly miss each other during the school day now.  Our best memories as a family were formed during that period.  We went canoeing, enjoyed nature, had family devotions, and bonded deeply.  

For many students like my own children adjusting back to living by the clock has been sad and hard.  These students are still driven to perform, but they have gotten a taste of how refreshing it is to not be so dang busy.  They have gotten used to nurturing their spirits instead of meeting societal expectations, and they are grieving over the loss they are experiencing by being thrust back in an environment that values striving over rest. 

So why has this school year been so hard?  Because I have watched every level of learner from all demographics and home structures struggle to adjust to post-pandemic life, while culture is still expecting performance, mastery, and deadlines. We place identity and worth on all the wrong things in this country, which teachers can’t change.  The sense of hopelessness that fact brings is enough to keep us up all night, which is why every single teacher you meet is tired and weary.  I am finally able to explain why I’m so tired, and it’s not the kind of exhaustion that sleep will fix. 

Learning to Roll

Tears from teenage girls are the norm.  In fact, I think one of my most used phrases with my sixteen year old daughter is “What’s wrong now?”  But, the past two weeks have been the Kingda Ka (largest roller coast in US) of emotions. The sudden swoops up and down have been alarming to say the least. 

But, spring break is just two days away, and the long awaited trip to study ecology in Costa Rica is upon us.  Josie has been looking forward to this adventure for almost 18 months.  Getting a job at 14, she worked a minimum wage job she hated for nine months to earn half the fees.  The trip brings about many firsts: first time out of the country, first time flying, first time sleeping in a primitive setting.  She’s more of a Hilton Suite girl than a cot with a mosquito net sleeper.  My husband and I have had many discussions about how she will fare, showering without hot water and sleeping with no air conditioning.  God bless her chaperones!

Knowing this opportunity to work with sea turtles on Costa Rica’s beaches would be enriching, we encouraged Josie to embark on an adventure that is way out of her comfort zone, but as a mom I did not anticipate the anxiety boiling under the surface like lava in the Irazu (Costa Rica’s largest volcano).

In the weeks leading up to spring break, her grades have dropped lower than ever before, her mood has been unstable, and every circumstance has seemed like an escalated ordeal.  In fact, at Monday’s travel volleyball practice, she was teary over not being able to master the back row dive and roll, a brand new skill she has never tried, on just the third try. She described her attempts with a defeated and weary voice, explaining her long legs just get tangled up.  “I’m awkward and uncoordinated. I tried to break down the steps but I couldn’t get my body to do what my mind wanted.”  As I listened to her tired voice, I recognized that right now even the small things seemed big.  

For years I have preached boundaries.  When you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnect from technology, get more sleep, invest in yourself, pursue activities that bring you joy.  All those strategies are helpful, but if I’m honest, way too often, it’s lip service because I am driven to please others.  I do not want to risk anyone thinking I’m not all in, but truthfully all the striving makes me so weary.  

When she got home from practice at 10:15 p.m. on Monday night, she marched in the living room and announced, “I’m not going to practice Tuesday.  I need to be home with my family before I leave for 10 days.  I need to eat dinner with you guys and rest.  I want to have a movie night and hang out with Isaiah.  I need that before I go.  I won’t see you for 10 days, and if…” the sentence was left unfinished, but in my mama heart I knew she meant “if something happens to me.” It was an epiphany to recognize the source of so much anxiousness in her spirit. 

Yet foolishly I still argued back, “You have to go to practice.  You made a commitment to the team.” I suggested she ask the coach for extra time to work on “the roll;” maybe that would help and make her see you’re committed. She remained dug-in: “No! I can’t do extra this week. I have to be committed to what I know I need right now! Don’t you get that, Mom?”

I have tried to instill the life lessons I desperately want her to grasp, so why did it jolt me to watch her implement the lessons I’ve taught?  It was a shock because for the first time, I witnessed her being healthier than me. She recognized she needed to recalibrate and get in an environment where she felt safe and comfortable. She needed a reset. She laid down the chains of people-pleasing, and pursued what her soul needed, not what would make her parents and her coach happy.  I need to follow suit; maybe I’m the one who needs to learn “the roll,” not volleyball style, but roll with allowing my big to make her own decisions and communicate her needs. 

It might seem like a small thing to some, but I was so proud of her for standing up to me and advocating for her own mental and physical needs.  Listen to your teenagers.  Stop pushing them too hard.  Let them disappoint you if it means they are meeting their own needs.  Let them fill their cup, even if the coach is mad, even if playing time is lost.  How dare I transfer the chains of futile striving onto her lap? 

Cure for Brokenness

 I still remember the shame, frustration, anger, and sadness that overwhelmed my toddler sized heart when I looked at the shattered Santa on the unbalanced sidewalk and felt the sharp pain of skinned hands and knees.

I must have been about four.  I spent the day playing imaginary games of detective with my cousin in an old RV in my grandfather’s driveway.  My dad had stayed behind to keep an eye on us while my mother, aunt, and grandfather spent the afternoon antiquing.  As the car rolled into the driveway, I waved with excitement, and Grandpa got out of the driver seat slowly, staring me down with his signature gleam in his eye.  I knew instantly what that look meant; he had purchased me a present.  With a slow stroll to the trunk, he reached inside a box and handed me a porcelain Santa Claus piggy bank.  He said, “I saw this in a glass case at the antique store, and it had your name on it, Carla.”

Filled with elation, I turned and dashed up the sidewalk to show daddy.  Squeals of glee quickly turned to screams of pain and anger.  After just a few steps, I tripped over the sidewalk, which was slightly raised on one side.  Santa took a ride through the sky alright, and gravity brought him down with a crash.

I was devastated, and I quickly turned to grandpa to hear him calmly shrug, “Well, that didn’t last long.”  I was sobbing because my knees hurt, but also because I didn’t even get to have this precious gift for one minute before it was ruined.  I distinctly remember not getting met with chastisement, which was what I anticipated for breaking a present within seconds.

Instead, Mom scooped me up, sat me on the steps, gray and white with cracked paint.  She looked me in the eye, hugged me, and whispered, “I will take care of this.  It’s okay.”  At age four, I had no idea what that meant, but I trusted Mom.  If she said she would take care of it, she would.  In the following days back in my ranch style childhood home, I watched her meticulously work on this broken Santa.  She had old newspaper copies of the Spencer, IN, Evening World, spread out on the dining room table.  With super glue she rebuilt that porcelain Santa piece by piece.  She would glue one section at a time, let it dry, and add some more the next day.

I am sure this process took hours and hours.  When you’re little you don’t understand the significance of such sacrifices, but she was a working mom, with a full time teaching job, a sixteen acre property to maintain, and a house to run.  She could have done more important things with her time.

But, at age 39 I get this super glued Santa bank out of storage every year, and it’s always the same act—I rub my hands over the cracks, hold it close to my heart, and whisper prayers of gratitude for this display of love.  She passed away just two years later, and I like to imagine her at that table, eyes squinting as she holds glass pieces with tweezers, and glues ever so carefully. I realize what a sacrifice this piecing together was now that I am a busy, working mom.  I understand the depth of grace I was shown, and I am overwhelmed at the lesson she showed me. 

Maybe this Christmas season you’re overwhelmed at the brokenness around you.  Maybe family relationships are not what you hoped and dreamed they would be.  But, I know the cure for brokenness in this shattered world—love, sacrifice, selflessness, and mercy—just like momma showed me.  Maybe you have a circumstance that can only be healed with time and carefully placing broken pieces back in place.  This is the meaning of Christmas after all.  Christ left His perfect home, to dwell among us and bring healing to our broken world and to us.

Different Perspectives in Challenging Times

Have you ever had an interaction so profound that it was forever etched in your mind?  Like that one sole experience changed you to the core?  Such was the case for me on a normal Saturday in a local pizza parlor.  I left Z-Place Pizza and was never the same.  Since that day I have been kinder, more tolerant, and guarded my words and reactions much more carefully. And doesn’t this divisive world of politics and Covid division need more kindness?

My husband and I were enjoying a meal with our worship pastor and sound board technician.  The four of us were in a booth discussing ministry, the Sunday morning experience, and the vision for our church.  In the booth behind us sat our son, Isaiah, a sixth grader; Pastor Dan’s daughter, Jubilee, an incoming first grader; and Kinley (sound tech’s daughter), who was also a first grader. 

Orders were taken and an order number was gently placed on the kids’ booth. Conversation ensued at the adult table, and children chatted peacefully, until suddenly a loud argument broke out in the kids’ booth.  It was time to parent. Isaiah angrily placed the order number on our booth, and exclaimed, “Mom! Tell Jubilee this says 39, not 63!  She keeps saying it says 63.  She’s wrong!”  I shrunk with embarrassment at the stupidity of this disagreement.  Seriously kid, you’re arguing over this? 

Grabbing Isaiah’s arm, I pulled him close and whispered, “This argument does not matter at all.  Be respectful.  She’s not been to school yet and may not know her numbers well.  You’re in 6th grade and can’t expect a younger person to have the same knowledge as you.  Got it?”  

“Okaaay. But it’s just that I want her to know I’m right!”  (I’m thinking to myself, “Don’t we all kid?”)

“It doesn’t matter, Isaiah; stop arguing over meaningless things.  Who cares if you’re right.”

Begrudgingly he scuffled back to his booth with table top number in tow, and that is when it struck me like lightning.  They’re BOTH right!  “Isaiah, come here please, and bring me the number.”  Frustrated face, eye roll, he reluctantly hands me the number, which I promptly place upside down. “What do you see?”


He cocks head to side, even squints a little, but a smile slowly spreads on his face. Humbled, he replies, “I see 63.”

“Isaiah, Jubilee had a different perspective than you.  She was looking at the issue from the other side of the table.  How would this have played out differently if you would have joined her side of the table to see her perspective, instead of barking at her, demanding your own “rightness”?”

Oh, what a lesson there is for all of us!  What if the red voters and the blue voters went to the other side of the table and took time to see other perspectives?  What if the maskers and anti-maskers, the pro-vaxxers and anti-vaxxers, and all divisive groups simply took a moment to see the issue at hand from another lens?  

All of us could learn so much just from observing children for an hour.  They don’t let skin color, preferences, gender, and petty differences keep them from friendship.  We must stop arguing and bickering over issues that don’t matter in light of eternity and join our friends at the table, seeing things through their eyes.  

Especially if you’re a believer, it might be good to remember that this world and its governments and systems are all temporary anyway. Our forever home is elsewhere. 

How tragic would it be to sacrifice a friendship over 39 or 63?  But, isn’t that happening all over the world right now?   

I choose to see both numbers, and I hope you do too.

The Vaccine for the VIRUS

Photo Credit: CDC

William Golding wrote his famous novel Lord of the Flies in 1954. Inspired by witnessing the evils of World War II, he wrote the classic story of pre-teen boys stranded on an isolated island with no adult supervision or authority.  Jack, the antagonist of the novel, uses fear mongering of the imagery “beastie” to control the boys and stir manufactured loyalty. Simon is the only infallible, pure, and innocent character, but he ends up getting murdered by the boys’ thirst for food and power. Simon’s most famous line is, “Maybe there is a beast…Maybe it’s only us” (Golding 80). 

As the CoronaVirus pandemic spreads across the globe, swiftly changing the lives of billions of people, I am more convinced than ever before that the virus is us.  Thirsty for control and security in the midst of an unprecedented time in history, consumers rushed to hoard scads of unneeded resources: toilet paper, baby wipes, meat, pasta, and so much more. Our most vulnerable citizens have been left without food, water, formula, and medicine needed to survive.

But rising from the midst of the most contagious infection: greed and fear, a glorious vaccination of renewed kindness, compassion, generosity, and love is being distributed. Church buildings across the United States are shut down by executive orders, but the church was never intended to be defined by a structure of bricks and steel in the first place.  God’s people are the church, and His plan is and always was for His people to make His message of hope and redemption spread like a contagion throughout the earth. Jesus gave us the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19 when he says, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations.” 

Jesus truly is the Prince of Peace, and more than ever before I’m witnessing His people spread peace and hope like a contagious infection.  Yesterday Matthew West and his daughter live streamed free worship. In the middle of the night, Grammy winning artist Lauren Daigle posted music to soothe the anxious soul. Though the local library is closed, the management still left free books, toilet paper, puzzles, and other resources for the community to take.  With little training, teachers transitioned to digital education in a matter of hours and are creatively mastering their profession while still enriching the lives of students.  

Neighbors are checking on the residents around them. Stores are setting hours that are exclusively for the elderly. My husband, who is a pastor, spent his week checking on the families in his flock, and we touched base with several couples who have left our church to worship elsewhere.  Those who no longer worship in the same sanctuary with you each week are still your brothers and sisters; don’t let any lie of the world ever make you think differently. We have delivered meals and shared resources this week; and this arrangement mirrors the church in Acts. The early church spread like a virus across the Middle East because His people took care of the needs of ALL. The movement was contagious.

Jesus is calling us all to make Him contagious again. He is the vaccination, and His people are the tools to administer it. He is the solution to all the needs you could ever face in a pandemic. Stressed out and fearful over the future?  He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). Costco out of bottled water? Jesus is the Living Water (John 4:10). Can’t purchase bread anywhere? He is the Bread of Life, and those who eat of it will never go hungry (John 6: 35). No paper products because someone bought a twelve year supply?  You could even call Jesus the clean, white toilet paper that comes to wipe away the filth of the world, and the awesome thing is that the roll never runs out! Let’s stop the virus today with the only vaccine that will ever cleanse the world from suffering. Spread the love of Jesus today. 


Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Perigee, 1954. 30.

What One Transgender Student Taught This Christian Woman about Love

I’d had her as my student for nearly 100 days. Sullen, sad, just existing, her countenance carried burden and a troubled spirit.  When mom came to parent teacher conferences and asked with weary, troubled eyes, “Has she asked you to call her by a different name yet?  All her other teachers tell me she is asking to be called _______.”

“No, she hasn’t mentioned a word to me about it.”  Mom poured her heart out about the messy circumstance this young person had endured.  I will never ever forget that conference, as my heart has ached for this student since then. I hadn’t seen a smile consume her face all school year. The semester crawled on, and absences became the norm.  It was obvious this young person was struggling with gender identity issues, but out of seven teachers, I was the only one she had not approached about being called a different name.   

Without even being aware, this young person was teaching me much more important lessons than I was teaching her.  My awakening happened while teaching English to high schoolers, and on this particular day, I recognized my need to unlearn much of what I thought was right.  I’m literally the most awkward and blunt individual I know, and when/if I encounter a person who is more awkward than I am, I’m intrigued, almost fascinated.  As black and white about morals stances as they come, I’ve always prided myself on boldness, drawing hard lines, and demanding excellence. I love people who are not afraid to call a spade a spade, and you can know me for only a hot minute and conclude I’m not a coddler.  

I was raised to be a loud voice, a strong voice, and certainly there are appropriate times for that, but so many times the strongest leaders are quiet, gentle, and soft.  Jesus embodied the perfect balance of gentleness and strength; there is a reason why He is called the Lion AND the Lamb.  

I’m approaching forty, and I have grown up in church my entire life. My husband and I have been doing ministry for a decade, so presumably I have heard Jesus’ parables dozens of times, yet l was rocked with the revelation that Jesus would likely speak the words in Mathew 23:13 to me, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces.”  Ouch! But, oh so deserved…that is until my heart was softened and my eyes opened.

Finally, in mid-January this student politely asked if she could talk to me after class; I knew what was coming.  Quietly and respectfully I heard, “Mrs. Mobley, I just wanted to let you know I no longer go by (girl name), but please call me (boy name.)”  I was impressed with the direct, confident demeanor and eye contact.  

Instead of spewing my stance, “Ummm there are two genders.  God made man and woman in His image,” I surprised myself. As opposed to spouting bold convictions, I questioned, “May I ask why I’m the last teacher you have talked to about this?

Direct eye contact ceased and eyes darted to shoes, “Ummm, I thought you’d be upset.”

My heart softened, realizing she was afraid of my judgment.  The “world” is scared to death of harsh judgment from the church, and often for good reason.  I simply murmured, “All that matters in this moment is, ‘Are you comfortable in my class? Can you learn?’”

The next moments will be etched in my mind forever.  She literally jumped off the ground and threw both arms around my neck. A smile and joy overtook her face, and I think I may have even witnessed glassy eyes.  “Thank you so much, Mrs. Mobley!! You have no idea how much this means!”

In that moment convictions do not need to be spouted; love and compassion needs to pour forth like cool water.  She KNEW my conviction without me speaking it, but she didn’t know how deeply I cared about her. She needed to see and hear the truth, “You are cared for. You are loved.” We will never make an impact in this world for Jesus if we meet the world’s expectation of judgment and harsh words.  The world should crave the presence of Jesus followers, not fear them. Our words and responses should be a cup of cold water to hurt, lonely, and dejected people. 

My student taught me much more than any academic lesson I poured into her.  Because of this interaction, I truly understand the depth of Jesus’ parable in Mark chapter three about the healing of the shriveled hand on the Sabbath.  Of course, it is important to honor the Sabbath, for it’s one of the Ten Commandments. But, more important than rigidly upholding the Sabbath was the condition of the heart.  We MUST love God’s people more than our opinions and our convictions. 
Jesus teaches in Matthew 22: 39 that the second most important command is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We need to “put down our signs, cross over the lines, and love like He did” as Casting Crowns, sings in “Jesus Friend of Sinners.” May our responses always reflect Christ instead of causing recoil. Go into this dark world and spread love loudly instead of spewing conviction vehemently.

What I Learned From Watching My Son Fail

Nothing on the planet is as humbling as parenthood, especially when you realize you’re botching it.  My journey to greater humility came from watching my son fail, and it was only then that I realized I was failing too.  Those we live with and share life’s messiness all too often see our faults and misguided notions before we do, such was the case with my prideful parenting.

Shortly after moving to Huntington, our youngest child and only son joined an archery team.  He quickly showed natural talent and ended up doing well in competitions. I was on a road trip to Metropolis, IL, with Isaiah when a text message from my husband ended up being prophetic.  No, it wasn’t some mother/son adventure to pay homage to the home of Superman, but rather, I was taking him to compete in a national archery tournament, in which he had high expectations of performing very well. After all, Isaiah is a natural! Just six weeks after starting the sport he won first at regional level competition and went on to place in the top three at the Indiana state level.  He competed in indoor nationals, earning 6th place against kids several years older than him. Outdoor season started, and the medals and accolades continued to build up.

Isaiah is only 8, and he’s literally the youngest one can possibly be in his class. In Indiana August 1st is the kindergarten cut off, which is also the day of his birth. Since one has to be in third grade to participate in S3DA archery, it bolstered my pride in my son even more to see him achieve such success against kids up to age 11.

As outdoor nationals approached, I found myself asking Micah, “What are we going to do if Isaiah actually places at Nationals?” Now, let me just say how I deeply love Micah’s answer because that man keeps me grounded and even keeled when he dishes out accountability that helps me grow. His response was, “Well, you’re going to post about it on Facebook and tell the world.  You’ll get 67 comments and 232 likes, and in two days no one will care, but we will have a memory to treasure.” I was quite taken aback by this odd response, but I realize now that my husband was seeing unhealthy pride in me that needed sifting.

The competition in Metropolis would reveal the depth of my need for sifting. It’s not coincidental that the iMessage, “What we worship is what we share with others,” lit up my phone on the way to this match. Micah and others, I’m sure, were growing weary of my boasting about my son. All my family and Facebook friends were anticipating positive results from the weekend. I had boasted about my kid for days. After all, he WAS a natural, and aren’t we SUPPOSED to be proud of our kids? All this hoopla I was spreading made me a good mom, right? Maybe, not so much.

Well, let’s just say the tournament didn’t go so well; but, since I am working on authenticity here, I’ll be frank: Isaiah did terrible. When he got to the practice line he saw the competition was intense, and the boys in his division had better experience and better equipment. Isaiah quite simply choked. On the first day of the tournament he shot 35 points below his average, even missing five targets completely. I thought surely on day two he would snap out of his funk and fling those arrows straight. But, it just didn’t happen. Again, he missed five targets, and had the most epic emotional meltdown on the course that one could ever imagine. I was embarrassed, and I was disappointed, though my disappointment didn’t stem from his performance and score, but rather his behavior.

I couldn’t leave the facility fast enough because my son and I had to have a talk, a looong talk, and the six hour drive home would provide more than enough opportunity. Watching my son fail reminded me anew of some important truth and brought several fresh lessons as well.

Lesson one: The talent of my children has NOTHING to do with me. It’s not some magic parenting strategy that made my son a good archer, but simply grace; that’s it. God decided to design Isaiah to be an athlete. God made him that way, not me. God ALLOWED him the health and the ability to compete. I realized on the trip I was living vicariously through Isaiah’s success and making it my own.  You see, I really wasn’t good at anything when I was a kid, and I really really wanted to be. I coveted the natural athletes, the brainy kids, the popular ones. Nothing came easily for me, so it brought about a sense of unhealthy pride in my soul because I was getting to live my dream through my kid—my dream of being the best at something. This mentality is very dangerous, and often places crippling pressure on children, if not detected and dealt with early.

Lesson two: As a parent, how we help our children navigate through failure can have a lifelong impact on their character. I reminded Isaiah that his identity is not as an archery champion, but as a child of God. He is precious in God’s sight when arrows hit the bull’s eye AND when arrows hit the dirt. Performance in a competition does not define whom my son is and whom he will be. Even as I write this, I smile remembering the grin of sheer relief that lit up his tan little face when he allowed that truth to sink into his heart.

Lesson three: It matters not if one succeeds or fails; it matters how one treat others when he succeeds or fails. I explained to Isaiah that I was not concerned with his score, but when I heard him sass another boy who was shooting well that day instead of offering encouragement, THAT was when my heart sank and disappointment filled my chest. Failure will happen, but the victors deserve GENUINE congratulations. We must maintain an attitude of love toward others, even to those who defeat us.

Lesson four: (this one was a hard one to swallow) Our children, no matter how talented, cannot become an idol in our lives—mine did. I realize now that for several months, every time I got the opportunity, I boasted about my son. I bragged and bragged and made Waaay too many Facebook posts. God desires a heart of gratitude and humility, and I displayed neither. I am ashamed.

But, as Isaiah looks forward to redeeming himself next year and performing better at Nationals, I look forward to setting the balance right in my heart—the perfect balance of being proud of my kiddo, but knowing that “every good and perfect thing is from above.” I look forward to doing a better job of ridding my life of idolatry, and loving Jesus more than my kids, loving Jesus more than attention from social media and the world. I so desperately want to get this parenting thing right. I want my son to know I’m proud of him, but at the end of the day, archery isn’t what matters—character does.

And, I’m ever so grateful for the gentle accountability given by my husband: “Something for us all to ask ourselves: What we worship is what we share with others.”


Mom Judgment

The age old adage, “Never judge a book by its cover” has always been practiced by me, the English teacher, in a literal sense.  Jane Eyre, Heart of Darkness, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and so many other classics have such boring covers, but between the binding beautiful, rich life lessons and stories unfold.  In practical life, however, unfair judgment is sown daily. Many people I encounter misunderstand my assertiveness and awkwardness and never truly see my heart.  Much of this is my fault because I carry too much baggage I should have left in the luggage terminal years ago.

As the Lord moves me to new places and unfolds fresh vision, the importance of “traveling light” is growing more and more clear.  I lay a bit of the past down each day, and I sometimes wish individuals from the past could see the changes and encounter me with fresh eyes.  But, I can’t look into the past because I am not going that direction.

One of the most life changing lessons the Lord allowed me to learn didn’t come from the Bible or a pulpit, but the ballpark.  For me, what seemed like an ordinary hot evening for the final regular season game became a night that forever changed how I interact with people. I climbed the rickety bleachers to the top row, the only row with back support, coming to show support for my son. I certainly did not expect the team to win by any means.  Facing the best team in the league and our team showing obvious end of the season fatigue, the outcome did not look promising. The prospect of success grew more slim when start time was approaching, and our star player was still missing in action. Just minutes before play, his mom whipped her glistening mom mobile into the gravel lot and handed the coaches the team’s catcher’s equipment. She seemed unapologetic when she informed them her son would not be showing up for his team that day.  

I was angry.  My competitive spirit surged with disgust and ugly thoughts like, “She’s a coddler, allowing her son not to come, just because he hates losing.  Doesn’t she know we need him! How selfish!” This young man is an amazing athlete, and no other boy on the team was skilled at the catcher’s position.  The critical judgment was seething in my head, certain this momma had grown weary of consoling her son after several losses in a row, and thus was sparing him from sure defeat.  

My pride was boiling inside the cauldron of my unchecked thoughts.  Thankfully, so so thankfully, I didn’t spew that venom to any other ball parents, but kept my ugliness to myself.  

Sure enough, Isaiah’s team lost, and not surprisingly the world spun freely on its axis the next day.

The first game of tournament came, and our star catcher was early, excited to contribute and hopefully extend the season a bit longer.  The tired and weary momma of this precious boy climbed the bleachers to the top and whispered an apology for her child’s absence. She tearfully shared that her husband had abruptly moved out the afternoon of the last game.  Little League is of little importance to a son and momma who are blindsided and trying to make sense of a world that had just been shattered.

Instantly, I was overcome with guilt and grief.  I stomped noisily to the bottom bleacher slat; I had to get away, had to collect myself.  The memories of all the times I have been mislabeled, misunderstood, and unfairly judged washed over me, taking away breath. Once when Josie was a toddler, she became obsessed with pajamas, and put on seven different pairs of pajamas, just minutes before Wednesday evening church.  During that season of life she and I said hello to each day at 4:30 a.m., she was dropped at sitter’s by 5:30, so I could begin an hour commute from hometown in central time zone to my school in the eastern. Weekends were filled with long treks to see dad in a prison camp. By Wednesday night, I was already exhausted, and wrestling a toddler out of seven layers of clothes was not an endeavor I was willing to tackle, though if I did tackle that child, she would have had a soft cushion.  She proudly pranced into church looking like a princess linebacker; people stared. I wanted to explain, but didn’t have the energy. I was trying to survive, and the important thing was we were present. We made it to church. We needed compassion and empathy, not judgment.

 

How dare I do the same to someone else, as if I know the motives or the heart of another!  “…for God sees not as a man sees, for man looks at outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16: 7 NIV).   Confessing my pride and ignorant judgment to the Potter, the one who knows my every ugly thought, my Maker graciously choose to stop the Potter’s wheel, and start anew, reforming and perfecting the marred clay that I was.  

I can’t recall the winner of that game; nor can I remember if my son hit well or played good defense.  But, that eureka moment of conviction has forever changed the way I see people. Since those bleachers creaked with the weight of my sinful heart, I am a better friend, better teacher, better person  

As a woman, teacher, and Christian this teachable moment showed me the importance of giving others the benefit of the doubt and seeing the best in all be people.  Christ says in John 13:35, “Everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another…”. Ugly hearts masked by kind works lack the authenticity God wants from us. Parents who don’t show up for parent/teacher conferences—doesn’t mean they don’t care; maybe they’re working second shift to provide. Unexpected absences, weird outfits, and too many other circumstances to name, nearly always have a worthy explanation—explanations that are not my business.  

MANY other cringe-worthy moments have occurred, and I have felt the glares and the bewildered looks, but at the end of the day, I’m doing the best I can.   The catcher’s mom was too. Aren’t most people? We must start seeing that, especially in the church. We must stop worrying about what others are doing, what they’re wearing, or what their motives are. Drop the judgmental heart and, “Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3: 12 NIV).  Let’s all love better and see the best, as Christ intended for His people.

Epilogue-  Since that day, I have prayed hard for the catcher’s family.  Mom and dad reunited, and glory to God, they just welcomed a precious daughter into the family.  God’s business is redemption!

Hugging a Cactus

The Navajo Indians thrived in a hot desert climate with piercing sun and little water.  They learned to survive in harsh elements by slicing through the thick walls of Saguaro Cacti and drinking the water and life-giving nutrients stored inside.  The Saguaro are towering cacti that have arms and loom over the desert landscape in southern New Mexico and Arizona. They are picturesque and unique, and they were a treasure to the Navajo.  

I can relate to the Saguaro because loving me is like hugging a cactus.  I’m not proud of that truth, but as an English teacher and a writer, I promise the simile is apt. Finding a way to maneuver around the barbs is not an easy task, but if one does, he or she is met with unwavering loyalty.  Similarly, the inside of that cactus is full of refreshing water, spirit-filling nutrients necessary to navigate this harsh world, so valiant efforts are met with reward.

The reality that I’m  “prickly” never occurred to me until my husband once told me that loving me is really hard, and though the “truth bomb” was totally accurate during the season in which it was spoken, it still stung.  I desperately wanted to be fun-loving, joy filled, and happy, but I wasn’t. I could so relate to Paul’s confession in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (New International Version).  

My guarded heart had a fortress around it, a thick, protective cactus wall, and I kept people away by piercing barbs.  “Keeping it real” became my spiritual gift. Positivity and optimism annoyed me, and my husband, Micah, is definitely a “cup half full”kind of guy, which consistently caused isolation and strife between us.  

I was lonely and hurting, which made me “prickly” and hard to love, but yet I shoved away people who tried to get through my thick cactus walls.  This self-defeating cycle continued for years, damaging friendships and harming my marriage. Our relationship had been in much worse shape before though; in fact, betrayal from the first years of our union caused me to build my defensive walls in the first place.

Forced to journey alone through some extremely tough times, I became prideful, wore independence like a badge of honor, and boasted about how well I managed on my own.  The reality was that I was parched, dry, and dying from weariness.

Like the Navajo, Micah mastered the secret to navigating the desert season in our marriage—he had to surrender to the barbs, and pierce through that thick wall to get to “the good stuff.”  Such a maneuver is not a pain free process; bandages became a normal accessory. He got tired of the cycle of “hurting people hurt other people,” so with the Lord’s leading he made it his mission to keep loving me well, no matter how many times he was jabbed.  Paul instructs in his letter to the Ephesians 5: 35-26,, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her…(NIV)”

I would love to say it was relatively painless for him, but the process took years. Random and CONSISTENT acts of love and service finally disintegrated my cactus wall.  It took countless acts of service and thoughtful actions to regain my trust and restore our relationship. Eventually after obvious repentance and counseling for each of us, Micah was able enjoy the sustenance that comes from braving the barbs to penetrate the thick protective layer I’d formed around my soul.  Love eventually broke through because Christ heals and makes all things new.

If your relationship seems hopeless today, please know that LOVE WINS.  If you’re hurting and broken, the Lord, “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalms 147: 3.  We encounter hurting people daily, and they need compassion and tenderness, instead of recoiling and isolation. Always keep trying to love wounded people well. Eventually, the piercing barbs break off as those loving arms continue to wrap around despite the risk of getting jabbed.  That is love. It’s risky and painful, but always worth it. If you really want to change the world, hug a cactus, even when it makes you bleed a little.

As I journey through life, marriage, and parenting, I am becoming softer and less and less “bristley.” Of course some days I fail and fling needles like a porcupine in distress, but radical love transformed my soul.  I so wish others from my past could see the “barbless” me—the one who hugs, who loves freely, who doesn’t cause others to recoil. But, I can’t keep looking in the past; I’m not going in that direction. Now I have to carry the lesson forward and love well, even when it hurts.  I have my band aids ready.