Author: admin

In the rushing and busyness of life we miss the moments to make the greatest impressions. At 3 in the afternoon I’m frantically scurrying to get beds made that are still askew from morning slumber. I glance at my watch, feeling pressured—30 minutes until the girls are picking me up.  FINALLY, I’m in a season of being “Invited.” I was uninvited for so long, and I don’t want to mess up my chance. Trying to gauge what outfit is casual, but dressy. I want to look nice, but not try too hard. Ugh! The pressure!

The teenager is prepping for work departure, and we both scuttle around a shared bathroom.  The hot mess mom that I am constantly needs her fashion counsel, but in a total role reversal, I ignore her advice and wear what is comfy.  As we bump and dance around each other, she casually mentions a decision she has made—a decision she put great thought into, and in all the rushing my brain does not process the weight of her words.  I missed “the moment” because I was focused on me.

She needed my affirming words.  She needed to hear reassurance, but I simply bolted out the door at the sight of my ride.  I jump into my girlfriend’s Excursion, excited to head to girls night out for sushi bar and worship concert.  My brain is befuzzled, which as I type this, I learn that befuzzled is not really a word, but it’s my word now. I guess I mean bumfuzzled?

I’m bumfuzzled because even if my brain was processing correctly, what exactly was the “correct” response?  I honestly have no clue. The decision showed maturity and responsibility, yet it also means she’s definitely “little” no longer.  Kids don’t come with a handbook; well, I guess there is What to Expect When You’re Expecting*, and even a toddler years version, but where are the instructions on how to handle parenting the adult child?  How does one perfectly navigate the waters of setting boundaries, and letting go, and giving freedom, but still holding tight?  I need help. Does anyone out there really know? Anyone? I guess I find comfort in the realization that no woman I know of has ever died from raising a teenager.  And, if you know of someone, zip it! I need to maintain this reality.

It’s just so hard and so bumfuzzling? As I ride in the back gazing out the window, I feel like a vulnerable child inside.  I’m so scared of messing this parenting gig up, and yet is there any other assignment more important?   As three other ladies, whom I am quickly growing to love, chatter and fellowship amongst themselves, I am so thankful for the time to look out the back window and process the past half hour.  The teenager felt safe enough to talk to me, even though my response was off. I’m thankful for resilience, forgiveness and do-overs and opportunities to go sit on her bed and tell her I’m proud of her.  I’m thankful I’m learning to not be so hard on myself; I’m learning to recognize the victories. Two years ago, I lacked the acumen and intuitiveness to discern the oldest needed more from me in that particular moment.  

Parenting, and all relationships really, are a beautiful dance of growth and maturation, and my favorite parenting moments are when I’m able to recognize emotions, joys, disappointments, and desires that never ebbed over lips to create sound waves.  But, this hot mess momma knows.

I am SEEING with new eyes, and the joy that comes with this growth is a treasure.  So, today as she rushed through her chores and asked me to finish them for her, I smiled and took pleasure in her asking because I realize at this time next year, I will no longer have the privilege of being asked.  So, even though I am stumbling through this NEW season of being a parent to an adult, I will cherish every request, every conversation, and every opportunity, and I will forgive myself when I fail. I will be confident of the Lord’s promise in Philippians 1:6 that “he who began a good work in her will carry it on to completion.”

I will find joy in the journey of each day and see the small moments as gifts from above. Maybe your infant won’t sleep or your toddler is throwing fits.  Maybe your kindergartener just stopped hugging you at school.  The next season comes too quickly, so whatever parenting stage you’re in on your journey, bask in the ordinary, everyday moments and give thanks.  And, don’t be too hard on yourself along the way. 

*Eisenberg, Arlene. What To Expect When You’Re Expecting. New York :Workman Pub., 1991. Print.

It’s 6:00 a.m.—-a Sunday.  I meander into the kitchen to brew coffee, and I’m greeted with a scene that mirrors the aftermath of Nagasaki.  Of course, that is hyperbole, yet at the same time it’s the only simile that seems apt.

Four empty boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese litter my counter, yes FOUR.  I can write my name in the powdery cheese dust left on stove top. I notice a shiney light not normally illuminated so early in the day.  Shoulders shrug when my foggy morning brain realizes the oven has been left on all night long. Apparently the group of three friends sleeping in Josie’s room wanted frozen pizza some time after 10:30 when my tired body said goodbye to Saturday.  As the cancel button beeps, I grin from ear to ear. Then I audibly laugh at the joy I feel in my soul when absorbing the details of this room. Yes, joy!

There is a mountain of shoes by my backdoor and a smaller hill of shoes discarded by the front.  I sit at the bar counter and soak in the details of the mess and wish it could last forever. If I wake to this kind of mess every morning for the rest of my life, I’d be ok with that.  The mess is a gift. Quickly I snap out of my reverie and hurry upstairs. I need to get Isaiah, the youngest one, ready for church. So much to be done on a Sunday morning when dad is the pastor.  

Check weather app and realize Isaiah will need long pants, and I brace for battle.  “No jeans! I hate jeans!” He stomps and shrugs, and I try to negotiate quietly, as not to wake the six extra friends, three with each daughter, sleeping in the bedrooms nearby.  Finally, Isaiah retorts with his witty words, “I hate jeans! Jeans deserve to be pooped in.” Ok, ok, white flag waved. Jeans are not a battle worth waging on this brisk Sunday morning.  But, I smile and bite my bottom lip as I think about the odd rebuttal I just heard from my wily son. I learned early in our ministry not to wage minor battles before church because it squelches the opportunity for the Spirit to work.  Angry hearts marching into the sanctuary was never God’s plan. Blessed are the peacemakers…pants are not worth a fight.

I thank the Lord for the child who always keeps me on my toes—the one whom I just never know what will fly off of his young lips.  I return to the John Deere room to return folded jeans to bottom drawer. Suddenly, sharp piercing pain shoots up my foot. I birthed this son of mine without any pain sedative, yet until this moment I do not think I truly experienced the top of the pain spectrum. He came too quickly to administer an epidural; not even an advil was swallowed, and the boy has been going 100 mph since that first day in August, nine years ago.  Dazed by the pain, I try to process why I feel like I’ve been stabbed. Blended into brown carpet I see the culprit—-a tiny plastic, antlered deer lays directly in path from door to dresser. Even though I can hardly walk, even though I’ll likely be late to Sunday School because teary eyes necessitate that I reapply eye makeup, I smile because I realize “someday I will miss moments like this.”

The messy kitchen, the mountain of shoes, the arguments over “poopy jeans”—-all these moments make my heart full.  My house is lived in. My kids feel comfortable enough to make memories and messes. Their friends rest easily in this place.  No one fears constant chastisement and yelling. My son’s imaginative playfulness causes toys to litter the floor, and that is ok with me.  

JOY in the chaos.  Memories in the making.  I love what is happening here.  I am so thankful for the wisdom the Lord is bringing, and the peace He is lavishing on my once high-strung soul.  What a gift this life truly is, and I refuse to spend it fretting over the mess and the chaos. Instead I choose to embrace each moment and give thanks.  Cheese dust is grace. Scattered toys are grace. Each moment is redemption because my marriage once hung by a torn and tattered thread, yet God redeemed.  Praise His Holy name.

Embrace the chaos.  Thank God for your pain. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights…” James 1:17